When I was growing up, my mother took great care not to create competition between my older sister and myself. She was very clear about who was good at what, but she also was clear that if it was my sister’s skill area, that I wasn’t “allowed” to be good at it and vice versa. I got good grades easily, but my sister had to work harder for good grades. I was the neat one, and my sister was the messy one. I was the rational one, and my sister was the emotional one. She played the guitar, while I played the piano. I was the dancer, but she was the writer. My mother’s plan backfired, as I felt a lot of competition. But I hate feeling it.
Fast forward to the present: at a recent piano lesson, my teacher was unhappy with my progress, and informed me that my friend (who also takes lessons from her) practices more than I do. While I didn’t say anything at the time, I was quite upset on the way home from my lesson and angry at my teacher. Then I realized why: It is my childhood hot button around competition. If my friend is better than me at the piano, then my mother would want my friend to be the one who plays the piano, not me. With that knowledge, I was able to let go of my reaction, knowing it was just an old childhood program, and continue playing for my own pleasure. If I hadn’t had that knowledge, I would have either quit playing, or started looking for a new teacher. As it was, I practiced a lot the following week, and my teacher was again happy with my progress. And I am able to accept that my teacher is, like all of us, an imperfect human being.
I still have a lot to learn from my teacher about playing the piano, and I still have much to learn about my own reactions to those leftover childhood hot buttons.
