Do you catch yourself doing things, making choices, that are not in your own best interest? I certainly do. For me it often has to do with spending time on social media, or playing solitaire on my computer. Why is it that we do these things, if we know better? I am not talking here about addictions or compulsions, but about places where we actually have a choice and don’t exercise it to our own advantage. Addictions and compulsions are a different bailiwick that are more difficult to address: you might want to consult a licensed therapist about treatment.
In the Process, we consider the self as made up of four parts: Child (ego), Intellect (inner parent), Higher Self (your inner moral compass, or your connection to the divine, however you define it), and the body, our physical being. Throughout the Process, we work with these aspects of the self, and learn to give each a voice.
When I look at some task that needs to be accomplished, my inner child says, “Oh no! Let’s procrastinate. A little game of solitaire will be so easy, and then we will get to work.”
Sometimes that is as far as the inner dialog goes. I waste time at solitaire. But I don’t feel good about it. My inner parent is upset with the inner child and lets her know in no uncertain terms that she had better not do that again! Guilt, shame, anger: whatever it takes.
Other times, the inner dialog does go further, but without anger from the inner parent.
Inner child: I want!
Inner parent: It’s not in your best interest, and you would be better off not spending your time there.
Inner child: But I want to play!
Inner parent: Could we compromise? Let’s complete the work and then play solitaire.
While this sometimes works, the inner child is still left with “But I want…” This solution often doesn’t handle the inner child’s needs for comfort and caring.
At other times, the higher (spiritual) self can speak:
My inner child, what do you lack in love or comfort? How can I help you feel worthwhile in ways other than wasting time, and feel competent so that you don’t have to avoid your work?
My inner parent, thank you for your loving response to the inner child. What do you, my inner parent, need at this time to make you feel whole and worthwhile?
When the higher self takes care of the emotional needs of the inner child and the inner parent, change can happen.
The first step, then, in acting in our own best interest is developing consciousness, or awareness. First we become aware of the impulse toward action that is not in our own best interest. Then we become able to see that we have a choice in our behavior. Once there is the awareness of a choice, we can use the higher self to help us make the right choice. It is valuable to develop an awareness of “who” is saying what: whether it is your inner child, your inner parent, or your higher self.
This awareness does not happen immediately. Please consider it a success every time you become aware of your behavior, and every time you recognize which voice is speaking to you. Celebrate with your inner child and inner parent with each success, even if it is as simple as “You go, girl!” or “Atta boy!” or even just “Thank you.”
Over time, then, you will become aware of the choices you have, first those that you already made (whether good or bad ones), and later those that you can still make. By using your inner selves, you will find you have many more choices, and will start to act more often in your own best interest.