It’s About Us, Not Them

It’s about us, not them. It is not about what is out there, because that is out of our control. When we have an argument with someone, or something goes wrong in our external world, there may be little or nothing we can do at that moment to change the outer world events. The only thing we can do is change how we handle our experience of these events, our response to these events. It’s about us, not them.

When I ask my husband his opinion on something, and he does not have an opinion, it sometimes makes me angry. I finally took a long look at this: why does it make ME angry? I cannot change him, I cannot insist that he have an opinion. The problem is within me. In this case, I reacted as if he doesn’t care, or if he doesn’t like my opinion, he will be mad at me. The solution resides in my addressing my own reactions to his lack of a stated opinion. It’s about me, not about him.

Here is what I did. I addressed my base fear: that I am unloved/unlovable. But I know, deep in my heart, that I am loved, I am lovable, I am included in the tribe. Then I was able to drop the fear that I am unloved/unlovable, because it is not the truth, not my truth. If anger comes up for me in a similar situation, I can short circuit it by reaffirming/remembering that I am lovable, I am loved.

Remember, it is not about them, but how you respond to whatever the situation is. You can change your response. And from that place of internal love and power, you can find peace and equanimity.