Most of us are pretty functional, handling the stress of day-to-day life, not usually getting too angry or too upset, or too unhappy. We are reasonable people, reasonably good parents. So why do we need therapy?
A happy person is a better parent. A well-adjusted person is more likely to raise well-adjusted children. An angry person tends to foster anger and violence in the people around them, including their children. A depressed person may unconsciously limit her children’s expression of emotion. A person who makes changes in his own life gives his children permission and encouragement to make changes in theirs.
How we handle stress affects how we handle our children. When I was raising my children, I noticed that I was picking fights with them when I was stressed. In my own therapeutic journey of The Process, I learned where that came from and was able to change.
Whatever therapeutic journey you choose, there are three necessary aspects:
- Your own history, your experience of being a child, watching your own parents and other role models, is crucial for understanding your own behavior as a parent, as an adult.
- You can learn to understand yourself, have compassion for yourself, and forgive yourself. We are all imperfect human beings. We need compassion and forgiveness for ourselves.
- From your history, and your self-forgiveness, you can develop unconditional love for yourself.
Only when we are able to love ourselves unconditionally can we truly love our children (or others) unconditionally and have them experience our love as complete and unconditional.