Attachment Theory and The Process

In the Sunday Jan 8, 2017 New York Times (Sunday Review), an article on Attachment Theory sported the headline: “Yes, It’s Your Parents’ Fault” ( Attachment theory: the quality of our early attachments profoundly influences how we behave as adults. Yes, The Process is based upon attachment theory, we have worked reversing the effects of poor attachments with our family of origin, for the last half-century.

The article is well-written and informative even though the headline is off-putting (see below). The NYT article gives some background on the different categories of attachment styles, and what they look like in adults. It suggests tools with which to assess your childhood attachment, and does note that all is not lost: one can become more or less secure based on adult experiences and connections. “…having secure attachments is not about being a perfect parent or partner but about maintaining communication to repair the inevitable rifts that occur.”

The headline is difficult because finding fault is not helpful for personal growth. We must take responsibility for ourselves. If an experience in our childhoods was not ideal, then it is up to us, as adults, to heal it, to learn new communication skills, and form better attachments.

We know it can be done: we have successfully helped many people heal from their childhood experiences for years. It could be time to stop blaming (especially yourself) and finding fault, and start your own healing process.